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Standup Comedian

Big Brother Issues Part 1: Beat Downs and Sex Symbols

I’d like to say that I’m my own person and that all of my ideas and first impressions of the world were formulated and found by me, moi, and yours truly.  That I was born into a world that could be my oyster. I was born into a family where a big brother already existed. I was born into his world.  He took his big brother responsibility so seriously, sometimes I feel like …Read More

A Guy I Used to Know Bought Donald Sutherland’s House and Other Misunderstandings in English

A guy a used to know bought Donald Sutherland’s house. From my understanding, he bought it from the owner who bought it from Donald Sutherland. The owner in-between only owned it for a couple of years, and made no changes to it.  The guy I used to know hadn’t met Donald Sutherland, but the many selling points of the home were the adjustments and renovations the famous Hollywood icon had made, including an indoor …Read More

My Mythical Dream Relationship

My mythical dream first date: Him:  I know this is our first date and we’ve only been talking for a couple of hours, but.. do you want to get married? Me:  Vegas? Him: I’ll drive. Me:  I don’t know if I want to be stuck for 4 hours in a car with an almost stranger  …   Let’s fly. Him: Okay.  I’ll arrange the flights and send the uber for you in….  how …Read More

Golf Courses and Rich People. Oh and one more thing: I want to be RICH. REAL RICH.

On a drive on a sunny California Day, one of my good girlfriends remarked, “Golf courses are a waste of space for the rich.”  It’s a sentiment that stuck with me. Only because I disagreed with it, on all levels. I don’t have negative feelings towards golf courses, or the rich.  I find golf courses to have a certain elegance. I like to golf.  I’d be lying if I said …Read More

Negging Backfires Yo, Try Hurtlessness

“Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me.” It was a song we sang as kids as our first line of defense, and it was necessary to learn.  For the rest of our lives we would be defending ourselves against words and names.  It was an instant armor for our psyche.  An armor as thin as a lie, because that’s what it was made of. I guess this is on …Read More